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Mafionzo #1 Posted 21 August 2012 - 07:18 PM

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Im just bored coz im waiting the client to download damm physics test (1hour and 15 minutes and its on 30% -.-") So I decided to share a joke with you guys.
+ please, I have toooo many - ATM :P

Cheers and cya on test (well acctually youll see me flying around in a T-50-2)





A man suspected his wife was seeing another man, so he hired the famous Chinese detective, Chen Lee, to watch and report any activities while he was gone. A few days later, he received this report:
Most honorable sir,
You leave house.
I watch house.
He come to house. I watch.
He and she leave house. I follow.
He and she go in hotel.
I climb tree.
I look in window.
He kiss she. She kiss he.
He strip she. She strip he.
He play with she. She play with he.
I play with me. I fall off tree.
I not see.
No fee, Chen Lee.

estoniantoop #2 Posted 21 August 2012 - 07:52 PM

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Government: "Our lives have gone better."
The nation: 'We are happy for you."

Two birds are sitting on a tree. A fighter jet flies by. One says: "Look, how fast it's going!"
Second: "If I had fire in my ass, I would fly faster."

BattleMetalChris #3 Posted 22 August 2012 - 01:50 AM

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"Doctor, doctor, I think I might be going deaf!"

"Could you describe the symptoms?"

"Yes, Homer is fat and Marge has big blue hair."

estoniantoop #4 Posted 22 August 2012 - 12:14 PM

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Took me some time to translate. I hope you understand. :Smile_Default:

Human = eating + sleeping + working + joking
Monkey = eating + sleeping
So:
Human - joking = monkey + working
This means
Human, who doesn't joke, is like a monkey, who works.




Q: What car do you use to go to shop? What do you use to go foreign country?
Frenchman: "I go to shop with Renault, to foreign I go with Peugeot."
German: "To shop I drive with Volkswagen, to foreign with Mercedes."
Russian: "I drive to shop with Lada, but I almost never go foreign..."
Q: But if you go?
Russian: "Well, if I do go foreign... then I go with tank!"

Posted Image

Edited by estoniantoop, 22 August 2012 - 12:14 PM.


Ubertoaster #5 Posted 22 August 2012 - 03:06 PM

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Warning: This joke requires hand gesticulating in order to make a proper laugh.

Stalingrad. December 1942.
Germans are freezing in their trenches. One of them goes to the Unterfeldwebel and asks:
"Herr Unterfeldwebel, we are freezing in the trenches. Lets sell our guns for some Schnapps."
"But what will we do if the Russians attack?", asked the Unterfeldwebel.
"We act as if we have guns and shout BANG, BANG!"
"Ok, lets sell our guns..."
So they sell their guns, get drunk and forget about the cold. The next morning the Germans go on a patrol. One of them spots something in a bush.
"RUSSIANS", the man shouted.
So everyone raised their hands and started shouting: BANG! BANG! BANG!
Out of the bush came a bunch of pilots, only in their hats and underpants, their hands spread out like wings, shouting: VRRRRRRRRRR!

Ronineter #6 Posted 22 August 2012 - 05:14 PM

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Army engineer joke: Soldiers their IQ and overweight is as high as their shoe size.

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Ubertoaster #7 Posted 25 August 2012 - 02:13 PM

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Marshal Zhukov exits the conference room very angry.
"What an arse with a mustache!" says Zhukov.
One of the nearby officers hears him and goes to Stalin:
"Comrade Stalin, Zhukov just said that you are an arse with a mustache!"
"Get me Zhukov!" said Stalin.
Zhukov enters Stalin's cabinet and Stalin asks:
"Comrade Zhukov, who did you call an arse with a mustache?"
"Hitler of course, comrade Stalin."
"Now comrade officer, who do you think is an arse with a mustache?"

Murphy1up #8 Posted 25 August 2012 - 03:27 PM

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How do you get Pikachu on a bus?

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He_from_Norway_ #9 Posted 26 August 2012 - 02:55 PM

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heres a joke: E-100

PanStraszliwegoPomoru #10 Posted 05 September 2012 - 06:18 PM

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A joke for WoT players.

Product contains E-100 dye.
Warning! Flammable!

future_shock #11 Posted 05 September 2012 - 06:33 PM

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Women don't fart :Smile_trollface-3:

Ronineter #12 Posted 05 September 2012 - 07:01 PM

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My room smells like rotten eggs

Doolio #13 Posted 05 September 2012 - 07:14 PM

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I will try to translate it to the best of my abilities, hope it will be bearable to read:)

A russian, an american and a frenchman are talking about what's bliss.
The american says:
You have private business, three cars, lovely wife and two gorgeous kids. When you come home you have fantastic dinner, some quality time with your family and then some wild sex with your lady. And after all that, while you are snuggling yourself to sleep, that's bliss.

The frenchman says:
No, listen to this. You are with a young female art student in a penthouse in Paris, eating cheese and drinking wine, and afterwards you have the best sex ever. In the morning, she makes you coffee and breakfast and goes to her classes. And while you rewind the last night film in your head, you drink your coffee slowly, knowing that tonight it will be even better. And that's bliss.

The russian says:
You both got it wrong.
I am doing military service. We are in Siberia. It's winter night. -35 degrees celsius and the wind is howling. We are all in the barracks, the heating is on, we are playing cards, listening to music, telling jokes. Suddenly, the sergeant comes in. "SERGEI! TO THE GUARDHOUSE! IT'S YOUR NIGHT WATCH SHIFT!"
And I'm not Sergei.

future_shock #14 Posted 05 September 2012 - 07:25 PM

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I try my best too.

2 vampires meet at a bar. The first orders a glass with fresh blood while the other orders a glass with hot water. So the first vampire asks: Why did you order only hot water? The other vampire takes a fresh bloody tampon out of his bag: It's teatime!

estoniantoop #15 Posted 05 September 2012 - 07:31 PM

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An optimist lies on the grass. A sadist comes and hits knife to his eye. The optimist turns around: "Good you didn't bring scissors!"

Doolio #16 Posted 05 September 2012 - 07:46 PM

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View Postestoniantoop, on 05 September 2012 - 07:31 PM, said:

An optimist lies on the grass. A sadist comes and hits knife to his eye. The optimist turns around: "Good you didn't bring scissors!"
That reminds me:)

A masochist and a sadist are sitting on a bench.
Masochist: "torture me"
Sadist: "no"

JeffyShow #17 Posted 05 September 2012 - 11:12 PM

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I was going to make a gay joke, butt fuck it.

rtbob #18 Posted 05 September 2012 - 11:30 PM

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A man is sitting on his porch one hot summer morning having a cup of coffee.  A truck pulls up across the street and two men in State worker uniforms get out.  One of the men begins digging a hole, as soon as the hole is done he moves over five meters and starts another hole. Mean while his co-worker follows behind, filling in the hole.

The man on the porch watches this in amazement as the workers proceed down the block, across the street and back up the street digging, refilling, digging, refilling.  After about three hours they arrive in front of the man on the porch.

The man stands up and says to the workers "Wow I admire your work ethic, you two really work hard and in this heat! There is just one thing, what the hell are you doing?

One of the workers looks up at the man and says "The guy who plants the trees called in sick today!"

BattleMetalChris #19 Posted 06 September 2012 - 01:14 AM

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A man goes into a pub, and as he walks to the bar, notices that there are peices of meat nailed to the ceiling. He asks the barman about them, who explains:

"It's a competition we have here - it's £10 into the pot to enter," (at which he gestures to a large glass container behind the bar full of money), "and I give you this broom - if you can knock the meat off the ceiling with the broom then you win the whole pot. Do you want to try?"

"No, I don't think I will," says the man. "The steaks are too high."

BattleMetalChris #20 Posted 18 September 2012 - 12:38 AM

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What are the advantages of moving to Switzerland?



Well, the flag is a big plus.

Edited by BattleMetalChris, 18 September 2012 - 01:15 AM.





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