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WoT Fun Facts And Definitions


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Private_Bryan #1 Posted 04 September 2012 - 02:10 AM

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I'm starting this thread for my own amusement, with no intent to insult anyone. It's just my way of venting of all the steam I sometimes gather during matches. I figure it is much better than starting to blow teammates to pieces.

noob - The noob is a little woodland creature that likes to do funny useless things like firing at the ground, sky, buildings, ramming trees, run wild in the prairies. When they sense the end is near, they usually rush into town to die.

camper - It is still disputed among experts whether the camper is an animal or a landscape feature, given that it seems to act like both at certain times. Often mistaken for a rock or bush, he suddenly animates to ruin the day of any unsuspecting rusher (see below) or noob (see above) that crosses his territory. It is equally not known whether this behavior is simply predatorial or for the protection of the females of the species (their existence has been postulated but not yet proven).

rusher - Simply put, hamster on coffee or squirrel on redbull and sitting butt naked on a hot engine. He, she or it has somehow got the idea that life is just too short to be wasted with such trivial things as planning, evaluating or being smart. Personally I think it's the hot engine part that finnaly pushed him over the fence.

bot - The simplistic way of looking at it is that the bot is merely a cheater that prefers to take a dishonorable shortcut towards his/hers/its goals rather than the long (and, supposedly but not yet proven, more rewarding) way. Recently however, it has been theorised that it might be in fact one of the great enigmas embedded in the very fabric of the universe to make us wonder: Is there a "ghost in that shell?" and ponder over the great mystery of human condition.

the Supreme Commander (a.k.a. der Generalfeldmarschall) - This is usually someone who has tragically expired due to a severe case of a rush or for being much too noob and suddenly gains a tremendous amount of insight on what everybody else should do in order to fully maximize his/hers/its potential, both as an individual and as a team and strike a mighty blow at the heart of the villanous foe that treacherously... [the rest of this definition has been erased because of complaints of it being the nonsensical ramblings of a lunatic.]

spammer - Prominent military thinker whose bountiful flood of conscience cannot be properly contained nor rendered justice by the scarcity of written language.

the rabid - Usually a small to medium tank that starts to run in circles, bump into teammates, shoot at their tracks. Tends to be mercifully put to sleep by his compassionate friends.

tankophilia - An annoying condition of some tanks that tend to stick to your rear and lovingly bump into you at regular intervals and especially when you desperately try to back away into cover.

noobfest - An entire team getting slaughtered in a little town.

noob pride parade - 13 or more tanks heading on the same direction (13 because 1 is probably the arty that is desperately looking for a bush for personal needs and 1 is probably you not beliving your eyes). This devious maneuver has been reported to be effective in cases in wich the opponent does an equally stupid one, for instance sending a noob pride parade of its own on another direction but its chances of success are comparable with those of becoming a millionaire at russian roulette.

Further definitions under developement. Help appreciated.

Indy_ah #2 Posted 04 September 2012 - 02:36 AM

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View PostPrivate_Bryan, on 04 September 2012 - 02:10 AM, said:

rusher - Simply put, hamster on coffee or squirrel on redbull and sitting butt naked on a hot engine. He, she or it has somehow got the idea that life is just too short to be wasted with such trivial things as planning, evaluating or being smart. Personally I think it's the hot engine part that finnaly pushed him over the fence.

Now there is a hole mouth of coca cola is on my Screen :Smile_veryhappy:

Edit:

Finisher:  A sloth that is knowen that it needs 20 or more second to realize that there is a target in its aimcircle. Unconfirmed reports indicate that in 90% of the cases the enemy tank is a so called "oneshot"
Personally i think they hadnt a coffee that day

(sorry for bad english)

Edited by Indy_ah, 04 September 2012 - 02:45 AM.


Warheart1992 #3 Posted 04 September 2012 - 03:29 AM

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you forgot the siemka conspiracy for world domination :Smile_veryhappy:

vetespios #4 Posted 04 September 2012 - 06:40 AM

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awsome read,

thanks made my day a whole lot better :Smile_teethhappy:

Shegzor #5 Posted 04 September 2012 - 07:37 AM

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Siema - an Eastern European battlecry. Comparable in meaning to the ancient roman "morituri te salutant".

Doolio #6 Posted 04 September 2012 - 07:54 AM

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Typer
A mechanical virus that attacks chinese Type-59 tanks. A diseased vehicle will drive around uncontrollably, shooting at scenery, until someone (friend or foe) puts it out of it's misery. The virus doesn't change the vehicle's outer appearance, so infected Type-59's look exactly the same as their healthy and functional counterparts. However, the difference is noticeable as soon as the tank starts to move.

Lower
A mutation of a Typer virus, known to attack german Lowe tanks. However, this variant affects vehicles in very different way. The tank affected by the Lower virus will be completely still and might remain stationary for the entire battle. This virus is more devious as it takes more than just a few seconds to recognize the infected vehicle. There is one thing which might help pinpointing the vehicles infected by either of these variants: infected vehicle will never respond to a chat message, as one of the side-effects of the infection is the zombification of the entire crew.


The Soothsayer
A wise creature, known for it's ability to predict future. If it suitable, it will share it's wisdom and vision with his teammates, thus preparing them for the inevitable outcome. For what has been written, must be fulfilled.

The Doomsayer
A subtype of the Soothsayer. In addition to the foreseeing powers, it has the limited ability to indirectly control the future. The Doomsayer will always predict negative outcomes of battles and catastrophic events to come. It has tremendous effect on the battlefield, as Doomsayer's teammates will often lose morale after it's speech, thus unknowingly working towards the predicted outcome.


Pinger
Pingers are creatures affected by the horrific mental disease. The disease forces them to ping the map constantly. Pingers have the need to communicate, but every attempt to communicate is interpreted by the nervous system as the order to ping, which renders the Pinger helpless and unable to communicate or to prevent constant pinging. Naturally, the rate of pinging increases with time, as the Pinger wants to break the barrier and communicate, which results in even more pinging, thus trapping the Pinger in cycle.

Edited by Doolio, 04 September 2012 - 08:06 AM.


Private_Bryan #7 Posted 04 September 2012 - 01:08 PM

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Thank you fellow encyclopedists! I'm happy to see that there are others to diligently pursue this quest for the betterment of natural science and military intelligence.

Type 59 - either
♪  I like Chinese.
    I like Chinese.
   They come from a long way overseas,
   But they're cute and they're cuddly, and they're ready to please. ♪♫♪♪
or
   That mother&%#** %@*&sucker son of a *beep that ruined my day again.

Tier IX - Cool tanks you get to scout for once you got the Tiger.

gay tank (not that there's anything wrong with it) -
   Is it a duck? Is it a seal?? Is it a penguin???
   It's AMX 40!!!!!

It ain't over till the fat lady sings - The last surviving arty blowing to smithereens the last cocky enemy tank.

use the Force, Luke - shooting at ELC AMX.

my precioussssss - The tank camping the most remote and inaccessible square of the map and never fires at anybody for fear they might come and ruin his paintjob and set his ass on fire.

Last, there is this conversation at the beginning of a battle. I can't give proper credit to the authors but it is just too hillarious to remain undocumented:
some_guy: if i die you are all noobs
some_other_guy: ok, then i blame arty

Edited by Private_Bryan, 04 September 2012 - 01:11 PM.


vetespios #8 Posted 04 September 2012 - 02:38 PM

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View PostPrivate_Bryan, on 04 September 2012 - 01:08 PM, said:

Thank you fellow encyclopedists! I'm happy to see that there are others to diligently pursue this quest for the betterment of natural science and military intelligence.

Type 59 - either
♪  I like Chinese.
I like Chinese.
   They come from a long way overseas,
   But they're cute and they're cuddly, and they're ready to please. ♪♫♪♪
or
   That mother&%#** %@*&sucker son of a *beep that ruined my day again.

Tier IX - Cool tanks you get to scout for once you got the Tiger.

gay tank (not that there's anything wrong with it) -
   Is it a duck? Is it a seal?? Is it a penguin???
   It's AMX 40!!!!!

It ain't over till the fat lady sings - The last surviving arty blowing to smithereens the last cocky enemy tank.

use the Force, Luke - shooting at ELC AMX.

my precioussssss - The tank camping the most remote and inaccessible square of the map and never fires at anybody for fear they might come and ruin his paintjob and set his ass on fire.

Last, there is this conversation at the beginning of a battle. I can't give proper credit to the authors but it is just too hillarious to remain undocumented:
some_guy: if i die you are all noobs
some_other_guy: ok, then i blame arty


:Smile_trollface-3:

Private_Bryan #9 Posted 06 September 2012 - 02:04 PM

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everybody's friend - people typing in chat: witam, czesc, ahoj, salut, siema, moin, gl+hf, thx u2

trolls - people replying: habba-dabba, plus, mue, u r all gonna die

nationalists - people typing: kto pl?

unnatural English speakers - people typing: you are nubs, you loose loosers, my gun is low range (instead of short range; i did that)

lone wolves - people typing nothing

Rommel's gamble - a team failing to recognize a threat even when it's in its base, killing all its arty dudes.

Blitzkrieg interruptus (a.k.a. Guderian's nightmare) - Degenerative and contagious disease that affects tanks at choke points. Simptoms: the lead tank of a vastly superior flanking force suddenly finds itself under fire and freezes. This can be either because he is a greedy s.o.b. that wants to get a shot or because he's having second thoughts and thinks he'd better check if there's any free beer left at the base. Instead of charging forward to disrupt the defenders' emplacement, the whole flank goes into interruptus mode, with tanks stacking up and limiting each other's maneuverability, peeping around the corner to fire one at a time and being picked off one by one by a few determined snipers. With each casualty the attacking momentum drops until it finally becomes a defensive panic. It is one of the reasons why noob pride parades usually end up tragically, the other being that they simply took the long road.

cliffhanger - Tank on the edge of a rocky cliff, hanging in defiance of the laws of gravity and shooting at you. People feel the urge to wave their hands at him and yell: JUMP!!!

abominations of nature (a.k.a. fail heroes): arty scouts, tanks hiding behind arty, light tanks standing still, Leichtraktor, indoors AA guns (these are from MW, sorry).

And please remember, Confucius say: towns don't kill tanks, tanks kill tanks (or is it guns?! i really can't say since I spilled my coffee all over the ancient scroll).

Ubertoaster #10 Posted 06 September 2012 - 03:07 PM

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Lemming train - All of your top-tier allies going in one direction (length 100m, width 2m) and will usually die a horrible, slow, painful death, caused by 2 of the enemy's lowest-tier, half-dead, stock medium tanks.
Clan [XXX] sucht spielern mit minimum T8 panzers oder T6 arty - provocation of germanic origin, directed toward players with T8 tanks and T6 artys, meaning I will kill you (T8 tanks and T6 artys) all. Usually the provoker dies within the first 40 seconds of the game.
Overlord- Our most supreme, glorious, dogmatic leader, who sends us messages from the Gods of World of Tanks.
UFO - Unidentified fighting (or flying post-8.0) object - When a person sees an unidentifiable mess of geometric nonsense killing him, he will go to the forum and make a thread titled "OMG UFO-X killed me because I don't know how to shoot"

Private_Bryan #11 Posted 09 September 2012 - 03:01 PM

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berserker - Tank that after a gentelmanly exchange of long range shots with its rival enters a specific battle frenzy know as oillust that makes his entrails boil with uncontained anger and charge full speed in order to redesign you into a pile of smoldering ashes, contorted metal scraps and smear marks.

gremlin - What appeared at 300 m to be a little shy tank backing away in face of your might and awesomeness turns out to be at 100 m  3 TD's with big guns pointed at you and murder on their minds.

Asterix and Obelix - Ancient barbaric tank strategy dating from Antiquity where a small and fast tank pairs up with a giant one. The small tank, know as the Asterix, charges the enemy and gets trapped in its gravity well, orbiting at nauseating speed and throwing small rocks at it's liver, kidneys and groin while the giant, know as the Obelix, hammers it from distance with house-sized monoliths. After the battle, they are known to gather the turrets of fallen foes for unspecified druidic rituals. Their success against Testudos, ancient roman proto-tanks, is legendary.

Critical Mastermind - Player that fights and wins the battle in his head before it even starts, then begins to masterfully implement the plan that he masterminded with unparalleled mastery. Tragically, the Universe wants to prove to him that it is not governed by a superior intellect but rather a cosmic game of pool where different entities and quantum fluctuations interact chaotically and brings him to an untimely demise. As in the case of the Supreme Commander, being relieved of his corporeal form strangely improves his mastery of speech and typing but here the similarity ends. The Critical Mastermind directs his newly found mastery of the language against his team mates whose unmasterfullness ruined his masterplan. After intense raving and insulting, he begins to devise a masterplan for the team's defeat and communicate it to the enemy along with the team mates positions on the map.

delusions of grandeur (a.k.a. the Custer syndrome) - This strange syndrome affects tanks on weak flanks and notoriously deadly paths. Instead of limited scouting and ambushing they begin to feel invulnerable and charge head first into a kill zone with such obstinacy that they end up in flames and no one ever hears of them again, leaving an entire flank open for the enemy.

bot (addendum) - As in the case of other AI's, the only conclusive test in bot diagnosis is whether it can fool a human player. However, no conclusive test exists to date to determine the humanity of the player being fooled by the bot. An intriguing theory advanced by quantum physicists that got bored by the pursuit of the Higgs boson is that, much like Schrödinger's cat, it may be bot and non-bot at the same time until you try to interact with it (knock on the carcass, check his oil level, unscrew its tracks ...) and that it verifies Heisenberg's uncertainty principle and therefore it is impossible to measure with the same amount of precision its I.Q. and its position inside the tank at the same time.

Many thanks to contributors, as it is well know that much like when trying to tickle yourself, it usually works best when done by others.

Edited by Private_Bryan, 09 September 2012 - 03:02 PM.


kris4427 #12 Posted 09 September 2012 - 03:21 PM

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:Smile_veryhappy::Smile_veryhappy::Smile_veryhappy::Smile_veryhappy::Smile_veryhappy::Smile_veryhappy::Smile_veryhappy::Smile_veryhappy::Smile_veryhappy::Smile_veryhappy::Smile_veryhappy: This topic made my day!!! :Smile_teethhappy:

Private_Bryan #13 Posted 13 September 2012 - 10:55 AM

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hippopotanks - This is a distinct species of tanks that is particularly clumsy when moving on land. They mow down so many trees and buildings wherever they pass that they resemble a herd of crazed pachyderms, causing such a commotion that by the time they emerge from the treeline screaming and firing almost every gun is already turned at them. Their presence is usually the cause for failed flanking maneuvers, so, as a general rule, you should take cover while they charge and are being slaughtered, count 100 mississippis then wait some more and finally resume flanking while using their carcasses as cover.

town - Either humongous landscape feature or ginormic animal (or the other way around) that uses a series of ruses to lure unsuspecting tanks, crack their shells open and feast on the tiny little tanker treats they find inside them. This ruses include mesmerizing light shows, the siren like voice of Edith Piaf playing on a gramophone left on the steps of a French Café or the promise of the free bier that Tom Hanks couldn't find in the said French Café. The town is one of the 2 great equalizers of WoT (the other being the forest, see below). By dividing a platoon forces and channeling them through the labyrinth of its bowels, known as street network, towns render even the mightiest tanks vulnerable to flanking. Keep in mind that in town a tank is only as strong as the comrades watching his back.

forest - The other feared yet irresistible tank killer. This is rather a complex organism of distinct individuals gathered together in a conglomeration and united in the sole purpose of taking revenge on anything vaguely resembling the hippopotanks (see above) that trampled so many of their brothers and the Lorax along with them. Many tanks venture there hoping for a breath of fresh air but all they can find is the corpses of dead squirrels and eviscerated rabbits rotting there since a flock of B-24's missed Hamburg for the 5th time. The forest shrouds them in a cloak of darkness making its looming dangers undetectable till it's too late. Keep in mind that in forests a tank is only as strong as the tiny M5 scouting for him.

Further notes on towns and forests.

A legitimate question rises to mind: Why go to towns and forests at all? Well, you shouldn't!!! At all!! If possible.
Yet many choose to ignore this dangers and rush head forward to their doom and now we have the knowledge to explain this strange phenomenon. First and foremost, there are the noobs who just can't help it, its in their nature to search a dark and secluded place to make peace with their creator. Then, there are the elite players who seek a challenge and for who it is a matter of pride to take the hardest and most dangerous path. There are even reports of a clandestine practice of emo tank commanders that found in this an irresistible method to commit virtual suicide over and over again. Still, the vast majority of average players should try to cover other directions.
Unfortunately, due to a recently discovered statistical abnormality that governs the social behavior of tank commanders that is not the case. This abnormality has been named the non-Bell curve and makes everyone rather be noobs than average or pretend they are simply too 1337 for common sense. So, no matter what I say here, 90% of players will go to town anyway. Sad is the task of the lonesome social researcher who sees the light but cannot shine it on anyone. *sigh

2alertred #14 Posted 13 September 2012 - 11:16 AM

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I got 1. Its very rare type of player.

The Shtrafbat:
When he sees a friendly tank player run away from the enemy, he doesnt think. He kills him. Even when there is 10:2 for the enemy he will kill the cowards. His usual speach at the start of the battle is the warcry: FOR MOTHER RUSSA in russan ( ФОР МОТЧЕР РУССА! )

Private_Bryan #15 Posted 13 September 2012 - 06:43 PM

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Ok, let me give it another try. Beloved tankers and tankettes, being average is not an STD. It's being normal. And having the strength to admit it already makes you kind of special. See you in town!

Shegzor #16 Posted 14 September 2012 - 05:13 PM

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View PostPrivate_Bryan, on 13 September 2012 - 06:43 PM, said:

Ok, let me give it another try. Beloved tankers and tankettes, being average is not an STD. It's being normal. And having the strength to admit it already makes you kind of special. See you in town!

At first I thought being average is an STD, but then Private_Bryan said it's being normal.

Boy was I wrong!

Private_Bryan #17 Posted 14 September 2012 - 06:06 PM

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View PostShegzor, on 14 September 2012 - 05:13 PM, said:

At first I thought being average is an STD, but then Private_Bryan said it's being normal.

Boy was I wrong!

Thank you very much for your testimonial. Posting before and after photos is also highly encouraged. It seems more and more average people come out of the closet to live happy normal lives and die sad typical deaths each day. We also give thanks to Average Guy Support Groups all over the world who take care of those who relapsed into noobness or 1337ness. Remember our motto: We outnumber them 1000:1. We can take them!

Tank_number_100 #18 Posted 23 September 2012 - 10:37 AM

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Sniper: Often confused with camper, with the difference that a sniper is specially equipped for it and knows when to relocate.

Private_Bryan #19 Posted 24 September 2012 - 08:02 PM

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bouncer - Morbidly obese tank that bounces off all your efforts to infiltrate his den, where scantily clad virgins tend to perfectly tanned and oiled hunks of hot metal recuperating after battles. It may even bounce you off if you get too close.

bot (new amazing research data) - As all attempts to reconcile the bot with the 4 fundamental forces of the Universe have failed to make headway, recent research has shifted focus to the more pragmatic field of empirical bot detection. Following what is known as the "if it walks like a duck..." approach, lead scientists have compiled a list of basic bot characteristics that should enable everyone to recognize, classify and submit valuable spotting reports of the phenomenon. They all tend to agree that if a tank commander is behaving like he is trying to eat, drink, sleep, smoke, shoot, scratch his gluteus maximus and drive a tank at the same time he must be a bot beyond any reasonable doubt as no human being is able of such a multitasking achievement.

clan jerk - Closely related to the village idiot, this fine specimen fills the same basic function, that is to take care of the things that others are to busy to handle on their own. Living under the impression that his clan badge has drastically boosted his intellect and mastery of the art of war, the clan jerk acts and talks like he can single-handedly win a battle by taunting the enemy, cracking jokes about the length of their guns and sapping their patience and morale. While lesser minds like Sun Tzu preach a healthy respect for the enemy, the clan jerk is so militarily intelligent that he understands the paramount importance of pissing him off.

Private_Bryan #20 Posted 06 October 2012 - 10:42 AM

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After a short break required to digest the 0.8.0 update we are back to give you more tantalizing discoveries.

First of all, many concerned readers have asked us what are virgins and what are they good for. (OK, nobody asked but that never stopped us from explaining it to them anyway.)

virgin - Mythological creature with the chest of a woman, waist of a girl, legs of a devil, wings of an angel and various heads that serves no real life purpose at all. Yet many ancient cultures have used the promise of 1, 7 or 70 fine specimens to lure hotheaded young warriors to enlist as cannon fodder in the army or to trick valiant knights in shining tanks to fight fierce fire breathing dragons. So, whenever the promise of free beer and pretzels at H7 fails to mislead the enemy or motivate your team mates to move, the illusion of a container of brand new, still factory sealed virgins at J6 might do the trick.

update 0.8.0 - Major terraforming event conducted by aliens to make the World of Tanks suitable to their needs. It includes eye candy for the children, new laws of PhysX for the dedicated scientists and the emergence of fascinating new species that push even further the boundaries of noobness:
  • the frequent flyer - Tank that uses every opportunity to spread its wings and fly, be it from bridges, cliffs, even small bumps on the road. After a few exhilarating moments the gravity catches up and they fall like boulders.
  • the scuba diver - Tank that has had enough of crawling on the land and wants to return to the seas, lakes or ponds from where its ancestors evolved. However, they soon discover that using the cannon as a snorkel does not work as well as advertised and very few of them live to tell about the wonders they've seen.
  • the dive bomber - Evolutionary breakthrough of the cliffhanger that now plunges guns blazing on top of its terrified prey.
Also, the bouncer and the berserker evolved into top of the food chain predators that take the gruesomeness and gore of armored warfare to new heights.

In the end, please remember that Sun Tzu say: "When life gives you carrots don't bother throwing them at incoming enemy tanks. Find some lost infantryman and shove them up his ass instead."

Edited by Private_Bryan, 06 October 2012 - 10:44 AM.





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