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Read a good joke, add a good (or at least funny) one.

jokes

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Cyberman_tM #1 Posted 11 December 2012 - 09:01 PM

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Apparently there is no joke thread on this forum - not even here in off-topic. War may be dead serious, but a forum shouldn't be.
Here's the first one, sorry it's not about tanks:

A man feared his wife wasn't hearing as well a s she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family doctor to discuss the problem.
The doctor told him there is a simple test the he could perform to give the doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.
"Here's what you do," said the Doctor, "stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response."
That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself, "I'm about 40 Feet away, let's see what happens." Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?"
No response. So the husband moves to closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, "Honey, what's for dinner?" Still no response.
Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, "Honey, what's for dinner?" Again he gets no response.
So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. "Honey, what's for dinner?" Again there is no response. So he walks right up behind her. "Honey, what's for dinner?"
"Good Lord, Ralph, are you deaf? I said for the FIFTH time, CHICKEN !"

BravelyRanAway #2 Posted 11 December 2012 - 09:10 PM

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Old couple at the hospital.

Nurse says "I'll need a urine and a stool sample please"

Old guy says "WHAT DID SHE SAY?"

His wife says "SHE WANTS YOUR UNDERPANTS!" :Smile_sceptic:
(a true story of marital bliss)

Edited by Leadbucket, 11 December 2012 - 09:11 PM.


estoniantoop #3 Posted 11 December 2012 - 09:23 PM

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Employer: "Where were you yesterday?"
Employee: "I was ill."
"Really? I saw you riding a bike."
"Oh, I went to call a doctor."

Paris_Hilton #4 Posted 11 December 2012 - 10:20 PM

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an Irishman walks outside a pub...

steview162 #5 Posted 11 December 2012 - 10:43 PM

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View PostParis_Hilton, on 11 December 2012 - 10:20 PM, said:

an Irishman walks outside a pub...

Untrue. An irishman may stagger out of a pub, be thrown or carried.  :Smile_blinky:

A duck walks into a bar and says to the barman, 'Have you got any bread?'
The barman says 'Sorry no'.
The duck asks again, 'Have you got any bread?'
The barman says, 'No'.
The duck asks again, 'Have you got any bread?'
The barman shouts 'WE DON'T SELL BREAD'.
The duck asks again, 'Have you got any bread?'
The barman says, ' You ask me for bread one more time, and I'll nail your beak to that bar.'
The duck asks, 'Have you got any nails?'
The barman shouts 'NO'.
The duck asks, 'Have you got any bread?'

kodos #6 Posted 11 December 2012 - 10:44 PM

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3 Chinese man, Wu, Fu & Chu wanted to immigrate to the USA.
Therefore their names were changed.

Chu was renamed to Chuck.
Wu was named Wuck

And Fu went back to China.

2alertred #7 Posted 12 December 2012 - 12:46 AM

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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, ''Shut up...you're next!''

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one - and let the other one off.

*There's two fish in a tank, and one says ''How do you drive this thing?''*

Paris_Hilton #8 Posted 12 December 2012 - 02:07 AM

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Father: How were the exam questions?
Son: Easy
Father: Then why look so unhappy?
Son: The questions didn't give me any trouble, just the answers!


for the law student ...

what did the lawyer say to the other lawer?
we are both lawyers

this one i also epic

Posted Image
http://static.quickm...a/social/qm.gif

Edited by Paris_Hilton, 12 December 2012 - 05:37 AM.






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