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WOT Fun Facts and Definitions REDUX

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Private_Bryan #1 Posted 13 May 2013 - 06:29 AM


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Private Bryan is very sorry to have let his previous topic fall into disrepair but his creative juices need time to replenish. However, we do not think you care much for the state of his bodily fluids so let's get to the task at hand.

You can use this secret document as a reference for what we are trying to achieve here. If you have further questions then you are not too bright and can leave now.

noob hole - whenever 5-10 tanks bunch up on the same map square, the resulting force of gravity is so great that they collapse into a singularity that is so dense (pun intended) that no strategically/tactically pertinent thought can escape. Whoever enters the event horizon of the noob hole is doomed to add to the twirling mass of screeching tracks and colliding hulls without hope of ever escaping. As if this wasn't enough, enemy shells of all calibers rain over the trapped tanks until they all explode into a powerful supernova that can be seen from thousands of light years away.

sheep herd - a very old and effective tactic preferred by players who admire the renowned wisdom of ovis aries, a mammal that has long time attributed its survival in the fight against wolf packs to gathering in a compact mass, completely oblivious of the shepherds and watch dogs. A lot of experience is required in order to perform a flawless sheep herd attack because of the risks of noob hole collapse (see above) or collective falling off the cliff. Sheep herds have a tendency to move towards town squares because they find it vaguely reminiscent of the sheep pen where they spend most of their lives.

wolf pack - the tactic of choice of dynamic, fast thinking, light weight, trigger happy canis lupus, natural enemy of ovis aries, ruthless predators that isolate the weak, devour the sick and push the terrified prey towards their impending doom. Unlike the sheep, wolves have figured out that the key to town warfare is not reaching the central square but rather controlling the approaches to the objectives and the choke points.

quail flock - a very flexible tactic used by small members of the Galliformes order. They start as a compact mass of synchronous moving tanks until a heavier predator is spotted. At that point they scatter in all directions, acting crazy, running circles, making lots and lots of noise, leaving their enemy confused and frustrated to finally reassemble far behind him and start pecking the puzzled arties on their heads.

RNG - recent studies of the Fine Institute of Good Science for Tanks Wellness (FIGSTW) have uncovered that RNG is a set of magical runes that have been used to enchant all components used in the production of tanks all over the WoT. It appears that they are all bound to the will of a Master Ring forged in the fires of Mount Doom and its mysterious wearer gains control over all of them at some point and makes them act crazy and unpredictable. There is a running debate over who is responsible for this darkness creeping back over the WoT. The humans think is the ancient god Loki playing his tricks upon the mortals, elves are convinced its orcish scum black magic, orcs yell it's elvish filth treachery, dwarves are still debating which of their enemies stabbed them in the back this time but are secretly hoping it's the fairies and halflings don't seem to mind at all since their entire lives are but a series of happy unfortunate accidents.

Finally, let's review some WoT news:

The Committee for the Preservation of Endangered Clan Jerks and their Natural Habitat (CPECJNH for short) has requested that protected servers to be dedicated exclusively to clan jerks in order to shield them from mental trauma and physical abuse from the hordes of noobs that infest more and more of WoT's once pristine landscape. The clan jerk is a very peculiar animal that cannot suffer to meddle with anyone that isn't a jerk too lest they all come to extinction. As nature notoriously abhors vacuum, the clan jerk also abhors anything that isn't himself including but not limited to: noobs, as mentioned, hypocrites that have the impertinence to affirm they play for fun, gold ammo users, premium tank drivers, enemy arty, enemy heavy tanks, enemy medium tanks, enemy light tanks, enemy TDs, tanks that flank them, tanks that ammorack them, tanks who get on the hill first and so on and so forth. Let's give clan jerks a chance to jerk each other off, jerk around and thrive once again!

clan jerk (re-posted for convenience as I know you are too lazy to visit the old thread and refresh your memory) - Closely related to the village idiot, this fine specimen fills the same basic function, that is to take care of the things that others are to busy to handle on their own. Living under the impression that his clan badge has drastically boosted his intellect and mastery of the art of war, the clan jerk acts and talks like he can single-handedly win a battle by taunting the enemy, cracking jokes about the length of their guns and sapping their patience and morale. While lesser minds like Sun Tzu preach a healthy respect for the enemy, the clan jerk is so militarily intelligent that he understands the paramount importance of pissing him off.

The President of WoT, W.R. Gaming has replied to the CPECJNH request as follows: Of course we sympathize with the cause of the oppressed clan jerks but our limited resources simply do not allow us to accommodate their request for private servers. And even if we could do it, think of the precedent it would create. Next, clanless jerks, jerkless clans, noobs, campers, rushers or even bots will want private servers too. Were is it going to stop? Should scuba divers also request private servers where they can spawn directly submerged in the lake for people to realize just how ridiculous this is?

scuba diver (re-posted bla, bla, bla...) - Tank that has had enough of crawling on the land and wants to return to the seas, lakes or ponds from where its ancestors evolved. However, they soon discover that using the cannon as a snorkel does not work as well as advertised and very few of them live to tell about the wonders they've seen.

And please remember, Confucius say: When in doubt, pretend your hearing is impaired.

Edited by Private_Bryan, 13 May 2013 - 09:35 AM.

Rusakko #2 Posted 13 May 2013 - 07:23 AM

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Now that's the way to start your Monday!

j4ckb4u3r #3 Posted 13 May 2013 - 07:28 AM

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:smile:  :smile:  :smile:

misterslate #4 Posted 13 May 2013 - 07:51 AM


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Private_Bryan #5 Posted 20 May 2013 - 02:07 AM


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arthritis arty - SPG that suffers from joint inflammation and therefor can barely move even 50 m to get a better firing angle or even 10 m to avoid being countered. They usually painfully crawl at the beginning of the battle to a secluded spot with lots of green shrubs and soft grass known as the nursing home. Here they can benefit from special care and treatment and enjoy the company of other arthritis or sclerosis arties, have meaningful conversations about femur fractures or hip dislocations, reminisce which of their friends had funerals that rocked or obituaries that sucked, get their dental prostheses all mixed up in the same glass of water and so on. All that is very nice because a society that doesn't provide care for its elderly is a failed society. But most importantly, they get to do things as a group. They shoot in the same direction, hit the same target even after it died, can't fire at the same spot, occasionally shoot each other in the back or get spotted at the same time and die from the splash of the same shell.

Lemmingrad - mythic city, supposedly the birthplace of all lemmings. As legend has it, all tracks that lemming trains are traveling on lead from Lemmingrad to the Promised Station, where those who can make it will triumph in the Final Battle of Good File vs Evil Rank and ascend as the Chosen People of the Lemmingod to the glory of Heavens.

the clueless - although there are many forms of cluelessness, the clueless is specifically that little tier III-V tank that, at the beginning of each tier VIII-X battle asks that profound and troubling question of tankkind: "Wottafuck am I doing here?!" Manny tanks will then reply, suggesting that he scouts, or makes a run for the arty, or gettahellouttatheway! If by any chance that tank happens to be you, don't pay attention to those, because they come from mean spirited people that do not know that "sarcasm is the lowest form of wit" and follow Private Bryan's Compassionate Guide for the Utter Clueless:
  • rush to a bush in the path of the enemy heavy tanks and when they get close, pop up and surprise them to death;
  • get the enemy light tanks to chase you and lead them to the nursing home of Arthritis Arty. That should teach them!
  • take leadership of any sheep herd forming and lead it to a grotto, crevasse or pit-hole where they can remain safe for the remainder of the battle;
  • ram at full speed the enemy T95 to give it a nasty scar to remember you from.
If you follow these simple guidelines, not only you will feel about you condition as good as Private Bryan feels about the height of his wit, but your team mates will also remember you fondly.

Private_Bryan #6 Posted 04 June 2013 - 05:21 AM


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Noobbiton - little village in The Shire whence all noobs originate. When they reach puberty, they are cast out into the World of Tanks as a rite of passage to adulthood. We don't know if any ever made it back because they usually like the WoT better. Noobs will also take part in the Great Battle of The Righteous Rank vs. The Vile File but for whichever side throws the best fireworks show in the eve of the battle.

the de-RANDOM-izer!® - secret project initiated by The Foundation For A Better Matchmaking that aims to develop a hardware device attachable to a PC that would make intelligent decisions when assigning the teams. This device is intended to help tanks that have trouble wrapping their turrets around the concept of randomness in random battles and would consist of a midget in a box with two openings. Sorry for saying midget. Please replace midget with little person in your mind because we care greatly about political correctness. So, why a midget? Because they have proportionally bigger heads and therefor are thought of having equivalently bigger brains that could handle the complex calculations required by intelligent MM. And they fit in the box. Why a box? So he doesn't run away in terror. Why two openings? So you can either feed him when he gets it right, or literally fuck him as many expressed desire when he gets it wrong. Sources inside the FFABM assured us that the project is nearing a major breakthrough and only the problem of luring midgets into boxes remains to be solved because they are so damn smart and don't fall for the cheese trick. However, its efforts are hampered by midget rights activists that argue that - no, not that all midgets are entitled to life, liberty and pursuit of happiness - but that pitting two perfectly matched teams against each other would shift the randomness towards the outcome of the battle, to the point that it would be governed by chaos theory to such extent that an elephant stepping on a butterfly in Africa would decide the fate of the War in Europe. Consequently, all tanks whose lives were previously ruined by MM would now tear their turret off wandering why the other team won when it was exactly as good as their own. Which would lead to revenge killings of elephants in Africa.

tomato team a.k.a. muppet tomato team a.k.a. ketchups - cryptic designation of some teams caused by the shortage of derogatory terms in the English language, causing military lingo to rape and pillage gastronomical vocabulary. Also possible although less likely to occur are mashed potatoes teams, cabbages that look like Jesus teams or even beetroot milkshake teams.

private channel - a very special place in the WoT GUI where you can express your most sensible thoughts towards players that offended your tank in a battle, such as: i fack your muther all day then she sack my bulls after she set on my duck so help me god yes i do!!! Private Bryan thinks that if you bruise easily you shouldn't play with tanks and would like to answer that his mother would likely enjoy the treatment but you must bring your own shovel and be prepared to dig 6 feet. However, for some reason that joke seems so distasteful that he doesn't.

In the end, please remember, Master Yoda say: Big tank in tiny bush can't hide? Again after update 8.6 you try!

Yes, Private Bryan would like to apologize to all midgets and say that his favorite character in A Game of Thrones is Tyrion Lannister and loves what Peter Dinklage does with all his characters.

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