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The Whiners' Guide to World of Tanks


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IBLiTZKRiEGI #1 Posted 28 December 2013 - 02:54 AM

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In the spirit of this time of year I've made a little something that may provide a bit of entertainment. This is supposed to be humorous rather than serious, but it does have some sober elements to it.


I must note the difference between petty, pointless whining and constructive criticism & suggestion making. Do not feel like you are being targeted if you are the average poster that expresses concerns every now and again. This thread pokes fun at the most die-hard and squalid whiners whose real purpose on the forum is not really known by anyone.



1. Find a topic that has been discussed to death. Bringing up a topic that has recently been resolved is a plus.

Rule 1 is arguably, in the eyes of some professional whiners, the most important. A disrespected whiner will very rarely bring something new to the table. This could be for a number of reasons. They may be worried that no one agrees with them as that topic hasn't been mentioned before by fellow whiners, or they find it easier to piggy-back on the success of more emphatic whiners. To seriously answer this question we would need to study the psychology at least one well-known whiner.

You will be even more resented if you choose to bring up a dead topic, one that has been discussed to death but with careful reasoning and respectful behaviour from the more sane rational members of the community, the whining eventually subsides. Simply bring this issue back up, and it will cause pain, misery and depression to any and all that see it in the forum. Rinse and repeat until you are either A ) banned, B ) get bored or C ) decide you are fed up with being hated by everyone.

The most whined-to-death topics include:

-Artillery
-Russian tank supremacy
-The developers enjoying the delights of alcohol while designing the game
-Matchmaking, spotting system and gold ammunition

Mix and match at different dates and times to cause maximum frustration for your fellow forumeers.

2. Target new/recent content when it is too early to safely say it is unbalanced.

The personal favourite rule of a group of whiners I will refer to as 'premature experts'. They decide that, despite something being only a few hours or days old in-game, they have played these vehicles at great length and know every attribute perfectly in relation to all other vehicles, and decide on a whim whether it's either underpowered or overpowered. Most often it's the latter. Because they like underpowered things, they're easier to kill.

Past topics included in this area:

-T34 Tier VIII premium
-New US TD line
-French tanks
-New tanks
-whenever a vehicle has been adjusted, any time, any place, in any way

3. Use techniques that infuriate those who disagree with you.

The best whiner will use any combination of blanket statements, assumptions, false facts, blind ignorance, lack of reasoning and intellect and will strive to repeat themselves and ignore arguments from the opposition. Some favourite phrases of whiners may include:

"Oh, come on, that isn't enough neg rep! I was expecting more!"

"No, arty is definitely unbalanced. It shouldn't hit with 100% accuracy every time. And it does, trust me."

"All people who play Russian tanks are obviously Communists".

"All people who play German tanks are obviously Nazis".

"All people who play US tanks are obviously fat".

4. Use biased polls.

Are Russian tanks Overpowered?

[] Yes because I am smart
[] No because I love Russia
[] I don't care because I'm stupid

5. Use imbecilic titles. Titles which offend or don't make sense are commended.

"Why I quit again today"

Thread discusses what the user happens to have been killed by recently. Says they will never return. They come back within the hour.

"I HATE YOU ARTY DRIVERS"

Blames the driver of the vehicle, not the actual vehicle itself, as if the vehicle is a manifestation of the person playing the game. Rant lacks evidence and/or reason. heavy use of caps. When topic starter sees their thread is unpopular they provoke those who disagree, asking for more neg rep or making nonsensical statements to cause more anguish.

6. Bring negativity to any positive thread.

"had a really great game just now, 9 kills! Still amazed I managed it!"

-whiner responds

"KV. doesn't count. Next please."

"I am really happy with the recent changes WG has brought to the game. Sure, not everyone likes them, but I think they are for the better."

-whiner responds

"lol shut up you obviously love WG, they want your money and nothing else now go and buy more gold."

7. Show a strong disliking to any shape or form of special.

No matter what WG offer, you must look for something they haven't included and bring it up. Bonus points if many have already mentioned it. Don't forget to mention how heartless WG are and how they are the greediest company on the face of the Earth.

8. Tell others how to play the game, or mock their skill at the game from a post they make without taking into account their statistics.

Regardless of the context or reason, target that player and comment on their opinion or decision-making in a negative light. If they respond and bring up your own appalling stats, call them sad and say they have too much time on their hands. If their responses become any more intellectual make a tactical withdrawal.

9. Attack WG for making a 'terrible game'.

Remember to forget the fact that no one is forcing you to play the game, and that WG have created a niche that no one else had thought to explore. Without WG you wouldn't have this strain of gaming. But keep all of these points out of your head and your exquisite whining will be untainted.

10. Be two-faced.

Never argue from the same point of view for too long or you will be torn down and removed from the tiny position of recognition you possess.

The most commonly split opinion that whiners seem to hold is the "wallet warrior" debate. See exhibit A:

-Whiner enters discussion

"You are obviously just too poor to buy gold. Come back when you have a job.

or

"We pay for this game, without us WG wouldn't be running!"

-Whiner gets targeted, changes viewpoint

"You are obviously terrible, you have to pay to win!"

or

"Without us hardly anybody would be playing the game!"



These 10 points sum up how to make the most of limited brainpower when whining on the forums. I hope you have found this information useful, and haven't taken it seriously.

Thank you and happy complaining.

Would you like some cheese with that whine?


Edited by IBLiTZKRiEGI, 28 December 2013 - 02:56 AM.


Venatacia #2 Posted 28 December 2013 - 03:09 AM

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Prefer a nice cup of tea and a slice of cake.



IBLiTZKRiEGI #3 Posted 28 December 2013 - 03:11 AM

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The world runs on tea! Well, mine does.

thewolfpack #4 Posted 28 December 2013 - 03:12 AM

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Awesome!

klesk #5 Posted 28 December 2013 - 03:46 AM

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That pretty much sums it up :teethhappy:

h3dning #6 Posted 28 December 2013 - 03:56 AM

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Idiotic thread, pls nerf autoloaders,make premium shells cost gold again, and why didnt i get a tier10 tank for the christmas special!

InvisibleMoth #7 Posted 28 December 2013 - 04:21 AM

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You forgot to include the 'Invent an age/job/IQ/experience of real war that makes the whiner an 'expert' on all matters relevant to the thread so that nobody's opinion counts but the whiners'

 

+1 rep though. Very funny and true.



brick128 #8 Posted 28 December 2013 - 06:49 AM

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Short version.

 

Play bad.

Blame every one, the cat, the dog, the Polish, the world, the universe, God, and all you can think off besides yourself.

Spam chat.

Go to forums and complain.

Get made fun of by community.

 

Log in again and:

 

Play bad.

Blame every one, the cat, the dog, the Polish, the world, the universe, God, and all you can think off besides yourself.

Spam chat.

Go to forums and complain.

Get made fun of by community.

 

Log in again and:

 

Play bad.

Blame every one, the cat, the dog, the Polish, the world, the universe, God, and all you can think off besides yourself.

Spam chat.

Go to forums and complain.

Get made fun of by community.

 

Log in again and:

 

Play bad.

Blame every one, the cat, the dog, the Polish, the world, the universe, God, and all you can think off besides yourself.

Spa..........

Well you get the point.



protos #9 Posted 28 December 2013 - 08:14 AM

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View PostIBLiTZKRiEGI, on 28 December 2013 - 04:11 AM, said:

The world runs on tea! Well, mine does.

 

How could you!?

The world runs on BEER!!!



Homer_J #10 Posted 28 December 2013 - 08:49 AM

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11. Make a long winded but cleverly worded post which is really a badly disguised wine at whiners. :tongue:

_TiddyMun_ #11 Posted 28 December 2013 - 08:53 AM

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You've created a Trollpedia.....lol :trollface::trollface:

bggeneral #12 Posted 28 December 2013 - 09:04 AM

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+100 from me :teethhappy:

But man, you seriously analyzed the reality!!!

Did they deserve your efforts? They are useless tomatoes, should we care about there stupidity?

 



LekkerBezig #13 Posted 28 December 2013 - 09:18 AM

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Add to point 5:

 

"I drowned myself again cus me team left my arty completely alone again!"



Khitan #14 Posted 28 December 2013 - 11:19 AM

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Very funny.

Pastaiolo #15 Posted 28 December 2013 - 11:23 AM

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The best is still when they write you "statspadder, i play for fun".

 

Apparently we are all working in here instead.



anonym_kL7qtn3e52MB #16 Posted 28 December 2013 - 11:24 AM

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Only post agree-able posts from now on people...

 

 



Epe12 #17 Posted 28 December 2013 - 11:27 AM

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Hahhahahahahah this truly made my weekend :teethhappy: +++++

 

Epe



TinyViking #18 Posted 28 December 2013 - 11:29 AM

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I'm thinking of moving this to the guides section.....

 



separatist3223 #19 Posted 28 December 2013 - 11:38 AM

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How could you forget r the type 59

radd666 #20 Posted 28 December 2013 - 11:47 AM

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"All people who play Russian tanks are obviously Communists".

"All people who play German tanks are obviously Nazis".

"All people who play US tanks are obviously fat".

 

Lol'd my arse off! +1

 

Don't forget the spotting system! :bush:-------sry, re-read and saw that you did mention it!  Stronk guide!!


Edited by radd666, 28 December 2013 - 11:48 AM.





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