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Message from UNICUM HQ


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BERLIN_19451945 #1 Posted 04 February 2014 - 01:18 PM

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From-UNICUM HQ, Superior Street, Throbbertown

To-All UNICUMS

Subject-General UNICUM Standards

 

Fellow Unicums!

Following a thorough review of this months statistics, HQ has noticed some alarming trends in our members performances of late. The Dear Leader, Mr Bell End, has directed that the following measures be implemented WEF to re-establish UNICUM superiority and the collective smugness we have assiduously cultivated over the years.

1) UNICUMS are failing to complain about premium ammo as directed by HQ last year. You are reminded that whilst noobs continue to have access to gold rounds, your dominance of the battlefield is under threat. Reports of IS7's and KV4's being destroyed by noobs in Comets are contrary to UNICUM conduct, and bring shame on the organisation. We must have premium ammo banned. All noobs will thank us in the long run, as it will restore balance to the game. Complain, complain, and complain again!

2) UNICUMS are reminded that noobs / tomatoes / normals are NOT team members. Their role is as meat shields and spotters for your tanks. The habit of actually going forward and finding your own target is to cease. A UNICUM tank must not be damaged unless necessary. Remember-Shiny Tank is a well driven tank.

3) They has been a lack of smugness on the forums of late, with "normals" seemingly being allowed to their views forward with relative impunity. All UNICUMS are reminded that upon seeing a post from a noob with under 20000 battles under their belt, you are to mock them mercilessly and make hay with their stats. This is regardless of the validity of their post, since "normals" should not have an opinion on anything.

4) Russian tanks tier 8 and above are only to be used. The routine of tanking in British and American heavies is to cease WEF. If you want to LTP instead of trundling about invulnerable and invisible, then you are not a UNICUM.

5) Blame is not being handed out. Remember, if you win, it is because you are amazing. You may reward the "normals " with a GG Noobs, safe in the knowledge they are basking in the turbulence of your magnificence. If you lose, blame the M5 Stewart or the T15 for ruining the game.

6) HQ remains concerned about the the number of Types being killed in the past month. Therefore, WEF, Types are to be used in packs of three, and are to target the following main threats-

Churchill GC

Valentines

Dw's

Medium 1's if possible.

To ensure victory and stat padding, use gold where appropriate.

 

Fellow UNICUMS, the above measures are designed by the Dear Leader, Mr Bell End, to increase effectiveness and restore balance to the game. You gave up your social lives, family and friends to dominate WOT and be Gods amongst noobs. The status quo must be restored AT ALL COSTS. HQ looks to all Clan Managers to ensure the widest dissemination of this warning order.

 

Mr Cheese Wand

2I/c Tactics And Smugness Section

 



Soft_Kitty_Warm_Kitty #2 Posted 04 February 2014 - 01:47 PM

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:medal: :trollface::veryhappy:

Observer413 #3 Posted 04 February 2014 - 02:12 PM

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So you say someone had hurt your feelings lately, while you were playing? :P

BERLIN_19451945 #4 Posted 04 February 2014 - 02:21 PM

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View PostObserver413, on 04 February 2014 - 01:12 PM, said:

So you say someone had hurt your feelings lately, while you were playing? :P

As I noob I have no feelings. I am an "entity". Do not waste your powers on mocking me UNICUM. Be satisfied that I grovel in the dust of your passing track cloud. Your exhaust fumes are as perfume to my lowly nostrils...........



Monster014 #5 Posted 04 February 2014 - 03:09 PM

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Edited


Edited by Monster014, 05 February 2014 - 01:03 AM.


Monster014 #6 Posted 04 February 2014 - 03:13 PM

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Edited


Edited by Monster014, 05 February 2014 - 01:03 AM.


Observer413 #7 Posted 04 February 2014 - 07:30 PM

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View PostBERLIN_19451945, on 04 February 2014 - 01:21 PM, said:

As I noob I have no feelings. I am an "entity". Do not waste your powers on mocking me UNICUM. Be satisfied that I grovel in the dust of your passing track cloud. Your exhaust fumes are as perfume to my lowly nostrils...........


What happened to you exactly? :P I didn't say any of the things you are tryingto connect me to :P



BERLIN_19451945 #8 Posted 04 February 2014 - 07:45 PM

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:ohmy:View PostObserver413, on 04 February 2014 - 06:30 PM, said:


What happened to you exactly? :P I didn't say any of the things you are tryingto connect me to :P

I was touched inappropriately by a UNICUM in an E75 at Pearl River. He touched me here, here and.........here. I feel so dirty.



Monster014 #9 Posted 04 February 2014 - 07:45 PM

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Edited

 


Edited by Monster014, 05 February 2014 - 01:02 AM.


BERLIN_19451945 #10 Posted 04 February 2014 - 08:53 PM

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View PostMonster014, on 04 February 2014 - 06:45 PM, said:

 

 

one sec.... YOU'RE NOT A UNICUM http://www.noobmeter...1945/512080582/

 

"Baldrick. Do you know what irony is? "

" Yes my Lord. It's like orangey and woody, only made of iron"

 

i cannot not help but feel you are missing the point lol........



StClement #11 Posted 04 February 2014 - 10:56 PM

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Oh dear, oh dear... feeding caviar to the sus scrofa domesticai again, Sgt? They'll only poop on the guardhouse step again... :teethhappy:

Monster014 #12 Posted 05 February 2014 - 01:00 AM

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*Gets stoned* I need to read forums.... holly s***! hes sarcastic!? *goes to bed and lays down for 2h and forget to post reply*. :facepalm:

 

Sorry! i got it now, and i don't think all unicums are like that. but most are :harp:



GemmaLou #13 Posted 05 February 2014 - 01:14 AM

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View PostMonster014, on 05 February 2014 - 12:00 AM, said:

*Gets stoned* I need to read forums.... holly s***! hes sarcastic!? *goes to bed and lays down for 2h and forget to post reply*. :facepalm:

 

Sorry! i got it now, and i don't think all unicums are like that. but most are :harp:


do you share? :p



BERLIN_19451945 #14 Posted 05 February 2014 - 02:06 AM

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View PostMonster014, on 05 February 2014 - 12:00 AM, said:

*Gets stoned* I need to read forums.... holly s***! hes sarcastic!? *goes to bed and lays down for 2h and forget to post reply*. :facepalm:

 

Sorry! i got it now, and i don't think all unicums are like that. but most are :harp:

Oh, I thought I was being subtle. Glad you get it. Hope you like the other two posts ( UNICUM DATING and A MESSAGE FROM THE DEAR LEADER) which are more sarcastic........



komisarcina #15 Posted 08 February 2014 - 01:40 PM

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This really made my day :-) Keep it up

BERLIN_19451945 #16 Posted 08 February 2014 - 01:55 PM

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View Postkomisarcina, on 08 February 2014 - 12:40 PM, said:

This really made my day :-) Keep it up

Please also see (in off topic) UNICUM Dating and A Message From The Dear Leader.

 

I think I should move these posts to General, as no one is reading them?

Cheers for the vote of confidence...........






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