Jump to content


Military / War JOKES

funny

  • Please log in to reply
15 replies to this topic

TINI06 #1 Posted 02 May 2015 - 07:35 PM

    Sergeant

  • Player
  • 9761 battles
  • 295
  • [SEEME] SEEME
  • Member since:
    06-22-2014

So, I decided to cheer up the community and start a thread that is  all about jokes and laughing :)

I will post some jokes everyday but keep in mind that my english is not shining.

HAVE FUN & LIKE



_Mr_QQ #2 Posted 02 May 2015 - 07:37 PM

    Private

  • Player
  • 12229 battles
  • 15
  • Member since:
    11-09-2013

nice one tayni destriyer

 



CptBarney #3 Posted 02 May 2015 - 07:44 PM

    Colonel

  • Player
  • 18996 battles
  • 3,976
  • [-WR--] -WR--
  • Member since:
    12-09-2013

 

 

(nevermind image wont load....)

 

 


Edited by CptBarney, 02 May 2015 - 07:45 PM.


TINI06 #4 Posted 02 May 2015 - 08:25 PM

    Sergeant

  • Player
  • 9761 battles
  • 295
  • [SEEME] SEEME
  • Member since:
    06-22-2014


TINI06 #5 Posted 02 May 2015 - 08:36 PM

    Sergeant

  • Player
  • 9761 battles
  • 295
  • [SEEME] SEEME
  • Member since:
    06-22-2014

An English prisoner of war was held by the Germans. The Englishman was shot all over the place, and okay until one day when the German told him, “Englander, your arm is infected with gangrene we must cut it off.”

The English prisoner said, “Well, okay, but could you drop it over England when you go bombing.”

The German replied, “Ya, that vill not be a problem.”

A few weeks later the German tells the Englishman that they have to cut his other arm off. The Englishman says, “Well, could drop it over England like you did last time.”

“Ya, that will be done,” says the German.

The next day the German tells him that they have to cut his leg off. Once again the Brit says, “Well, could you do the same as before.”

The German replies, ” ya.”

The next the German tells him they have to cut his other leg. “Well,” begins the Brit, “could you just…”

The German snapped, “No! We think you are trying to escape!.”



TINI06 #6 Posted 03 May 2015 - 07:59 AM

    Sergeant

  • Player
  • 9761 battles
  • 295
  • [SEEME] SEEME
  • Member since:
    06-22-2014

 

 
A British General had sent some of his men off to fight for their country in the Falkland Island Crisis. Upon returning to England from the South American island, three soldiers that had distinguished themselves in battle were summoned to the General’s office. “Since we weren’t actually at war,” the General began, “I can’t give out any medals. We did, however, want to let each of you know your efforts were appreciated. What we’ve decided to do is to let each of you choose two points on your body. You will be given two pounds sterling for each inch of distance between those parts. We’ll start on the left, boys, so what’ll it be?” Soldier 1: “The tip of me head to me toes, sahr!” General: “Very good son, that’s 70 inches which comes to 140 pounds” Soldier 2: “The tip of the finger on one outstretched hand to the tip of the other, sir!” General: “Even better son, that’s 72 inches which comes to 144 pounds” Soldier 3: “The palm of me hand to the tip of me left pinky, sahr!” General: “That’s a strange but fair request, son! As the general begins the measurement: “What! Son, where is your left pinky?” Soldier 3: “Falkland Island, sahr!”:trollface:

Edited by TINI06, 03 May 2015 - 07:59 AM.


TINI06 #7 Posted 03 May 2015 - 08:00 AM

    Sergeant

  • Player
  • 9761 battles
  • 295
  • [SEEME] SEEME
  • Member since:
    06-22-2014
A Sergeant was addressing a squad of 25 and said: "I have a nice easy job for the laziest man here. Put up your hand if you are the laziest." 24 men raised their hands, and the sergeant asked the other man "why didn't you raise your hand?" The man replied: "Too much trouble raising the hand, Sarge."

TINI06 #8 Posted 03 May 2015 - 08:01 AM

    Sergeant

  • Player
  • 9761 battles
  • 295
  • [SEEME] SEEME
  • Member since:
    06-22-2014
like some! :teethhappy:

TINI06 #9 Posted 03 May 2015 - 12:20 PM

    Sergeant

  • Player
  • 9761 battles
  • 295
  • [SEEME] SEEME
  • Member since:
    06-22-2014
The sergeant-major growled at the young soldier, "I didn’t see you at camouflage training this morning." "Thank you very much, sir."

TINI06 #10 Posted 03 May 2015 - 02:59 PM

    Sergeant

  • Player
  • 9761 battles
  • 295
  • [SEEME] SEEME
  • Member since:
    06-22-2014
A man in Amsterdam feels the need to confess, so he goes to his priest. "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. During WWII, I hid a refugee in my attic." "Well," answers the priest, "that's not a sin."' "But I made him agree to pay me 20 guilders for every week he stayed." "I admit that wasn't good, but you did it for a good cause." "Oh, thank you, Father. That eases my mind. I have one more question." "What is that, my son?" "Do I have to tell him the war is over?"

TINI06 #11 Posted 04 May 2015 - 12:53 PM

    Sergeant

  • Player
  • 9761 battles
  • 295
  • [SEEME] SEEME
  • Member since:
    06-22-2014
Why do all Iraqi soldiers carry a piece of sandpaper? They need a map.:trollface:

TINI06 #12 Posted 04 May 2015 - 07:57 PM

    Sergeant

  • Player
  • 9761 battles
  • 295
  • [SEEME] SEEME
  • Member since:
    06-22-2014
There was this General-in-training, and his superiors were asking him questions “What happened on June 6, 1944?” “We stormed the beach at Normandy, which later became known as D-Day, sir!” “What was the turning point of world war 2?” “Battle of the bulge, sir!” “What’s is the importance of May 12″ The Man thought and thought “I don’t know, sir!” The superior then said “Well, I’ll tell your wife that you forgot her birthday.”

who_dares_wins #13 Posted 04 May 2015 - 08:46 PM

    Warrant Officer

  • Player
  • 3065 battles
  • 772
  • Member since:
    02-21-2015

Newspaper Headline: Soldier loses both legs, only half the man he used to be, says wife



TINI06 #14 Posted 05 May 2015 - 01:26 PM

    Sergeant

  • Player
  • 9761 battles
  • 295
  • [SEEME] SEEME
  • Member since:
    06-22-2014
A trio of old veterans were bragging and jokes about the heroic exploits of their ancestors one afternoon down at the VFW hall. "My great grandfather, at age 13," one declared proudly, "was a drummer boy at Shiloh." "Mine," boasts another, "went down with Custer at the Battle of Little Big Horn." "I'm the only soldier in my family," confessed vet number three, "but if my great grandfather was living today he'd be the most famous man in the world." "Really? What'd he do?" his friends wanted to know. "Nothing much. But he would be 165 years old."

TINI06 #15 Posted 05 May 2015 - 05:16 PM

    Sergeant

  • Player
  • 9761 battles
  • 295
  • [SEEME] SEEME
  • Member since:
    06-22-2014
At one Army base, the annual trip to the rifle range had been canceled for the second year in a row, but the semi-annual physical fitness test was still on as planned. One soldier mused, “Does it bother anyone else that the Army doesn’t seem to care how well we can shoot, but they are extremely interested in how fast we can run?”:sceptic:

MS12R2 #16 Posted 09 May 2015 - 10:43 AM

    Lance-corporal

  • Player
  • 27739 battles
  • 86
  • [SEPE] SEPE
  • Member since:
    11-17-2012

Two men of Imperial Japanese Navy were chatting while watching air-craft pilots getting ready for mission

when the first guy says: "I don't think that pilot is very commited to his mission."

Second guy asks him "Why do you think so?"

First one answers "This is the tenth time he has left for a kamikaze mission."







Also tagged with funny

1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users