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Trackpadder noob awareness document

trackpad Noob trackpadder satire WG Tanks

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Brad_Pitt_2014 #1 Posted 18 August 2016 - 08:07 PM


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The Trackpad Player- an informative document commissioned by the ‘World Of Tanks Noob Awareness’ department.


Within this document we will attempt to educate experienced gamers who use a ‘mouse’ when playing WOT about the mannerisms, thoughts and actions of a player who is confined to the painful hell of a laptop trackpad

A trackpad is far from the perfect gaming utility. In fact, using a cactus to wipe your anus would be a suitable simile. Over the years, many unfortunate players who are not as experienced or wealthy enough to be able to purchase a mouse have resorted to using this barbaric and useless tool. It has been the cause of many hapless battles and the bane of common sense. Below we will list the mannerisms of trackpad players in the hope that you will be able to tell them apart from other, more sensible mouse players- a useful tool if you are looking for an easy kill or a viable charity to donate to.


  1. Inability to aim or fire in the general direction of the enemy.

This is always a dead giveaway when searching for the elusive trackpad player, and should never be ignored. Due to the limited mobility of one’s fingers upon a trackpad, only short movements can be made when aiming the gun in the vicinity of an enemy tank. Couple this with the fact that this makes it impossible to fire without stopping the movement of the gun, tracking a moving enemy and penetrating it is nigh impossible for a trackpad player. Take advantage of this when attacking a suspected trackpadder, by moving quickly and if you're feeling particularly mean, stop your tank at random moments to confuse and hopefully infuriate your trackpadding enemy.


  1. Extreme lag spikes

Sadly, many trackpadding players happen to be playing on a Mac, or more commonly known as useless piece of overpriced plastic. As most of you may know, Macs have notoriously bad processors which essentially disable them from being able to play games with lots of data and high specifications, such as WOT. Their processors are so bad that even when playing on the lowest graphics settings, the game is ridden with persistent lag spikes that severely hinder a player’s gaming experience. Therefore, the player might have extremely slow reactions, and will often shoot their own team in the confusion and disarray. This will be easy to notice, as a violently spasmodic Maus or T29 is not hard to spot. If you feel pity for this tank, organise your team and attempt to drown it in the deepest nearby water source. Burial at sea is particularly fitting.


  1. Horrible/ extremely bad win rate

Despite the fact that only players with the XVM mod installed can witness this, it is nonetheless an instant indicator whether the player you are encountering is a trackpadder. A win rate less than %45 is always expected from a trackpadding player, a statistic which is normally expected from bots, and not even the expensive ones. Remember to keep an eye peeled for this breed of trackpadder, as they are (luckily) not particularly numerous and tend to only appear in trackpadder platoons, which are extremely rare.  


We hope we have adequately educated you on this mysterious breed of player and given you the skills to detect them and to help/kill them.

    Joseph Milbourn, head of noob awareness department.

keyres #2 Posted 18 August 2016 - 09:09 PM

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A quick note from independent researcher:


You can easily distinct the quaint trackpadder (Noobis Peculiaris) from more common noobs (mainly Noobis Vulgaris and Noobis Pervulgatus) by amount of ground shots each takes. It has also been noted that common noobs tend to prefer their shells to lodge themselves in distant hills, while trackpadder will choose ground much closer to his tank.

Also tagged with trackpad, Noob, trackpadder, satire, WG, Tanks

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