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A Guide for Posters Part 1


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Bulldog_Drummond #1 Posted 26 November 2016 - 11:36 PM

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Many people come to us here at the BD College of Postmanship, Station Road, Yeoville, saying that they find posting in the forums too difficult, that they don't know where to start,  their shoes come untied, and so on.  Well, don't despair, we here at the BD College are here to help.  A brief summary of our 7 day residential courses below.

 

Lesson 1:  Attract interest.  A gaudy tie or controversial statement, especially if it is obviously untrue is a good starting point.

Lesson 2:  Attack WG for charging money, always a popular point

Lesson 3: Complain about tanks being overpowered or underpowered.  Or neither.

Lesson 4: Rigged match maker

Lesson 5: XVM

Lesson 6: Noobs

Lesson 7: Unicums

 

We end with Sherry and biscuits.



How_hard_can_it_be #2 Posted 26 November 2016 - 11:43 PM

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It's time to stop calling this place a forum. It's BD's personal blog with dubious quality. 

arthurwellsley #3 Posted 26 November 2016 - 11:44 PM

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View PostBulldog_Drummond, on 26 November 2016 - 10:36 PM, said:

Many people come to us here at the BD College of Postmanship, Station Road, Yeoville, saying that they find posting in the forums too difficult, that they don't know where to start,  their shoes come untied, and so on.  Well, don't despair, we here at the BD College are here to help.  A brief summary of our 7 day residential courses below.

 

Lesson 1:  Attract interest.  A gaudy tie or controversial statement, especially if it is obviously untrue is a good starting point.

Lesson 2:  Attack WG for charging money, always a popular point

Lesson 3: Complain about tanks being overpowered or underpowered.  Or neither.

Lesson 4: Rigged match maker

Lesson 5: XVM

Lesson 6: Noobs

Lesson 7: Unicums

 

We end with Sherry and biscuits.

A Note to the College Principal

 

Dear BD


In your initial post you neglected to mention the following points;

A. How very reasonable the costs of our courses are compared to the obvious value that they deliver to the students. Charging each student £100 per hour is a complete snip, and will henceforth be rising to £125 in 2017.

B. SPG/Artillery and how to post about it.

C. Proper use of statistics.

D. Graphs and what you as a poster can do with them to emphasise your points.

E.The proper use of youtube videos and how to embed them,

F.How to de-rail, or not de-rail a thread,

G. Pictures and you, how to communicate with the non-verbal masses.

 

regards

 

The Bursar


Edited by arthurwellsley, 26 November 2016 - 11:46 PM.


Bulldog_Drummond #4 Posted 26 November 2016 - 11:53 PM

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I am most grateful to the Bursar for his comments.

 

Arty and statistics are of course part of our advanced course, entitling students to an MBP (masters in bollox posts)

 

The first course has been remarkably popular and is now fully booked.  The next will start in Easter 2017.

 

 



Homer_J #5 Posted 27 November 2016 - 12:01 AM

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You forgot.

 

Reply to a 98 page thread which has been inactive for 14 months with something completely unrelated to the subject after only reading the title (and not understanding even that)


Edited by Homer_J, 27 November 2016 - 12:02 AM.


Pvt_Duffer #6 Posted 27 November 2016 - 12:05 AM

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Do I have to pay extra if I wear black when/if I take up your generous offer?

Long_Range_Sniper #7 Posted 27 November 2016 - 12:06 AM

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View Postarthurwellsley, on 26 November 2016 - 10:44 PM, said:

A Note to the College Principal

 

Dear BD


In your initial post you neglected to mention the following points;

A. How very reasonable the costs of our courses are compared to the obvious value that they deliver to the students. Charging each student £100 per hour is a complete snip, and will henceforth be rising to £125 in 2017.

B. SPG/Artillery and how to post about it.

C. Proper use of statistics.

D. Graphs and what you as a poster can do with them to emphasise your points.

E.The proper use of youtube videos and how to embed them,

F.How to de-rail, or not de-rail a thread,

G. Pictures and you, how to communicate with the non-verbal masses.

 

regards

 

The Bursar

 

 

Dear Bursar,

 

In relation to your recent post on the JCR notice board, the President of the JCR would respectfully submit that the College needs to take into account the efficient use of spoilers on the forum. They can add both humour, comic timing, and reduce the size of posts when excessively large graphics are used.

 

For example.

 

Spoiler

 

Yours faithfully,

 

JCR President



Bulldog_Drummond #8 Posted 27 November 2016 - 12:09 AM

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View PostHomer_J, on 26 November 2016 - 11:01 PM, said:

You forgot.

 

Reply to a 98 page thread which has been inactive for 14 months with something completely unrelated to the subject after only reading the title (and not understanding even that)

 

We do of course have a number of visiting experts of whom Prof. Dr. Sir J. Homer is among the most distinguished.  There will of course be a modest charge for those who wish to have his autograph or take a selfie in his company.

Dorander #9 Posted 27 November 2016 - 12:39 AM

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To your honourable professor B_. Drummond,

 

Yesterday on my unicum account I ran into so many XVM-using noobs that it has become blatantly obvious that MM is rigged to make sure that the Patriot tank I was completely overcharged on (it should've been free!) feels completely underpowered 'cause I could barely solo the entire enemy team!

 

It is furthermore proven now that 60% of arty needs to be nerfed 'cause they nearly hit me and I would graphically illustrate this with a video if I wasn't too lazy to fabricate one :B.

 

Regards,

 

Your first student



Bulldog_Drummond #10 Posted 27 November 2016 - 12:53 AM

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View PostDorander, on 26 November 2016 - 11:39 PM, said:

To your honourable professor B_. Drummond,

 

Yesterday on my unicum account I ran into so many XVM-using noobs that it has become blatantly obvious that MM is rigged to make sure that the Patriot tank I was completely overcharged on (it should've been free!) feels completely underpowered 'cause I could barely solo the entire enemy team!

 

It is furthermore proven now that 60% of arty needs to be nerfed 'cause they nearly hit me and I would graphically illustrate this with a video if I wasn't too lazy to fabricate one :B.

 

Regards,

 

Your first student

 



Joggaman #11 Posted 27 November 2016 - 12:56 AM

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Dear Professor:

Sometimes people ask for a replay when I state a fact. How can I avoid shaming myself and not provide the replay?

Is this also a part of the advanced course?



Effing_Drako #12 Posted 27 November 2016 - 01:01 AM

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Only thing you need in a guide. Ignore bulldog

Bulldog_Drummond #13 Posted 27 November 2016 - 01:38 AM

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View PostJoggaman, on 26 November 2016 - 11:56 PM, said:

Dear Professor:

Sometimes people ask for a replay when I state a fact. How can I avoid shaming myself and not provide the replay?

Is this also a part of the advanced course?

 

Dear Jogga

 

Many of our students have come to us, often in floods of tears, asking how they should respond to rude requests for "Replay or it never happened".

 

We have many advanced ploys for dealing with this and making the aggressor not only look like a fool but also being reduced to making grovelling apologies, but these do indeed come at a price, namely participation on one of our very reasonably priced courses.  As a taster, however, I can offer the suggestion of ignoring the gentleman entirely.  It is by no means impossible that this will further infuriate him and drive him to such paroxysms of rage that he may exceed himself and be banned.

 

Would you care for a cocktail? 



Bulldog_Drummond #14 Posted 27 November 2016 - 02:07 AM

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Long_Range_Sniper #15 Posted 27 November 2016 - 02:15 AM

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Here are the Dingers planning Team Battles just prior to clicking "Battle" following our first tutorials.

 


Edited by Long_Range_Sniper, 27 November 2016 - 02:16 AM.


Bulldog_Drummond #16 Posted 27 November 2016 - 02:23 AM

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View PostLong_Range_Sniper, on 27 November 2016 - 01:15 AM, said:

Here are the Dingers planning Team Battles just prior to clicking "Battle" following our first tutorials.

 

On that Stanley Holloway theme, there is a Dinger approach to dealing with Tier X opponents.

 



praetor_jax #17 Posted 27 November 2016 - 02:58 AM

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View PostBulldog_Drummond, on 26 November 2016 - 10:36 PM, said:

 

 

Lesson #1 (this includes the OP) - do not be a tool.

 

Fin.



Bulldog_Drummond #18 Posted 27 November 2016 - 03:10 AM

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View Postpraetor_jax, on 27 November 2016 - 01:58 AM, said:

 

Lesson #1 (this includes the OP) - do not be a tool.

 

Fin.

 

How true, how very true.

 

Clients will be pleased to know that Sir Praeotor Jx OBE will be giving a lunchtime lecture here at the BD College on the subject of The Bleeding Obvious.  We expect the Gentlemen of the Presss to be in attendance.



Homer_J #19 Posted 27 November 2016 - 03:31 AM

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I hope you also have a section on how to make a reply both agree and disagree with every point made by the person you are replying to.



anonym_kL7qtn3e52MB #20 Posted 27 November 2016 - 10:33 AM

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View PostBulldog_Drummond, on 26 November 2016 - 11:53 PM, said:

I am most grateful to the Bursar for his comments.

 

Arty and statistics are of course part of our advanced course, entitling students to an MBP (masters in bollox posts)

 

The first course has been remarkably popular and is now fully booked.  The next will start in Easter 2017.

 

 

 

 

 

 






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