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The Officer's Mess

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Dead_in_30_seconds #1 Posted 10 May 2018 - 06:56 PM

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Welcome fellow commanders. This thread has been started to offer a respite from the daily grind of battle.

It's main purpose is to offer a place to unwind, to take a step back from all the stresses and strains, and to kick back and relax.

The type of content it will contain are things like, poems, limericks or other verse, puzzles, riddles and jokes, and other humorous content.

It is intended to be light-hearted and fun.

it IS NOT a place to moan about rigged match-making, which premium tank to buy next, which noob pushed you off a cliff etc etc etc. It's also not a place to ask which gun to use, what perk to give your gunner or why did I get spotted behind a particular bush.'

We all need a break every now and again, so pull up a stool, blow the froth off a cold beer and join in the fun.



Dead_in_30_seconds #2 Posted 10 May 2018 - 07:09 PM

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For those of a like mind -

 

E2-E4


Edited by Dead_in_30_seconds, 10 May 2018 - 07:14 PM.


Dead_in_30_seconds #3 Posted 10 May 2018 - 07:12 PM

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For those of a more lyrical bent -

 

Ode to our partners.

 

My dearest one, do you not see,

that this is more than game to me.

Important more than life or death,

addiction greater than crystal meth.

 

I know, I know, it’s gone midnight,

but I’m sure, just one more fight,

will see my win rate reach new heights,

so hush my dear, turn out the lights.

 

This conversation was yesteryear,

when I was husband to my dear.

I played on, was not remorsed,

it’s so quiet now that I’m divorced.

 

Don’t copy me, my only friends,

for I can tell you how this ends.

Seek help and guidance from above,

or Matilda will be your only love.



OIias_of_Sunhillow #4 Posted 10 May 2018 - 07:25 PM

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Can I complain about my wife not feeding me ?

Tommy_Atkins_Teapot #5 Posted 10 May 2018 - 07:44 PM

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Dear 30 secs

A quote from a man, whom i idolised as a young teenager.

I had the pleasure of meeting this man back in 1972, suffice to say, never to be forgotten.

My best wishes to the Officers and Gentlemen, 

Regards

Tommy.



Dead_in_30_seconds #6 Posted 10 May 2018 - 07:46 PM

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Do you know a better one? -

 

A man storms into the doctor's surgery, walks straight to the doctor, and punches him right on the nose.

 

The doctor falls to the ground, blood streaming from his nose.

 

'What was that for?' asks the doctor.

 

'That's for telling my wife you liked her pu**y!', says the man.

 

The doctor looks up and says,

 

'I told your wife she had acute angina!!'



Dead_in_30_seconds #7 Posted 10 May 2018 - 07:47 PM

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View PostOIias_of_Sunhillow, on 10 May 2018 - 06:25 PM, said:

Can I complain about my wife not feeding me ?

 

On this thread, it's compulsory!! :girl:

Dead_in_30_seconds #8 Posted 10 May 2018 - 07:50 PM

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View PostTommy_Atkins_Teapot, on 10 May 2018 - 06:44 PM, said:

Dear 30 secs

A quote from a man, whom i idolised as a young teenager.

I had the pleasure of meeting this man back in 1972, suffice to say, never to be forgotten.

My best wishes to the Officers and Gentlemen, 

Regards

Tommy.

 

Great quote, great man.

 

All we need to do now, is convince the unbelievers :)



Tommy_Atkins_Teapot #9 Posted 10 May 2018 - 08:04 PM

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View PostOIias_of_Sunhillow, on 10 May 2018 - 06:25 PM, said:

Can I complain about my wife not feeding me ?

 

Dear Olias_of_Sunhillow

If you wish to be fed in the near future, in my experience it would be wise to store that complaint, firmly in the 

"never to be used" locker, ;)

Regards

Tommy.



Dead_in_30_seconds #10 Posted 10 May 2018 - 08:18 PM

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There once was a tank called Matilda

 

No relation to the females that filled 'er

 

She'd camp and she'd hide

 

getting safe all she tried

 

'til a bloke in a 1c came and killed 'er



Dead_in_30_seconds #11 Posted 10 May 2018 - 08:34 PM

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As we move through 2018, I see some things are out of favour, and some are gaining popularity.

 

For example:

 

They reckon exit signs are on the way out.

History's a thing of the past.

Calendar's days are numbered.

 

On the plus side:

 

Astronomy's looking up.

 



OllieCromwell #12 Posted 10 May 2018 - 08:42 PM

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View PostDead_in_30_seconds, on 10 May 2018 - 06:56 PM, said:

... , so pull up a stool, ...

 

it's only a small step to 'samples' from here ... 



Dead_in_30_seconds #13 Posted 10 May 2018 - 08:44 PM

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View PostOllieCromwell, on 10 May 2018 - 07:42 PM, said:

 

it's only a small step to 'samples' from here ... 

 

lol. Should I call the nurse?

Subject117 #14 Posted 10 May 2018 - 08:54 PM

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Anyone got the beer? I've supplied the.....

 



Babbet_1 #15 Posted 10 May 2018 - 08:59 PM

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There was a young man from Kilbride

Who fell down a sewer and died

Now he had a brother

Who fell down another

And now they're interred side by side.

(The old ones aren't the best, but they are the oldest!)   :)



Dead_in_30_seconds #16 Posted 10 May 2018 - 09:01 PM

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That's your membership fee paid for the year!!!

 

 

Cheers!!

 



Babbet_1 #17 Posted 10 May 2018 - 09:05 PM

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View PostDead_in_30_seconds, on 10 May 2018 - 09:01 PM, said:

That's your membership fee paid for the year!!!

 

 

Cheers!!

 

Hope that wasn't poured in your local  - glass half empty scenario I'm afraid!



Subject117 #18 Posted 10 May 2018 - 09:09 PM

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View PostBabbet_1, on 10 May 2018 - 08:05 PM, said:

Hope that wasn't poured in your local  - glass half empty scenario I'm afraid!

 

​Heavy on the head there....err, so to speak!

Dead_in_30_seconds #19 Posted 10 May 2018 - 09:17 PM

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Chocolate flake anyone?

 

 


 

 

 



OllieCromwell #20 Posted 10 May 2018 - 09:18 PM

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View PostDead_in_30_seconds, on 10 May 2018 - 08:44 PM, said:

 

lol. Should I call the nurse?

 

You can call her anything you want ... whatever floats your boat :p





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