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Paul_Kouadio #1 Posted 13 September 2018 - 10:05 AM

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Hello and welcome forumites!! I've noticed that there are way too many whine threads and complaints and stuff; the forums are generally a little pessimistic, I should say. However, I've seen some very funny posts along the way, and I think that we should have a thread where all the funny things can be found, just so that you can visit it when you want to have a good laugh. Make sure to like the best posts!:P

You can post:

- jokes (at WG's expense too:trollface:)

- memes

- funny replays (links and youtube videos too)

- dumb yet funny forum posts

- absurd statements in chat or from WG themselves

- players getting roasted

- and anything else I may have missed.

 

Please don't post anything offensive or obscene (no attacks on specific people for example). You can poke fun at other player's but please keep it civilised. Here's to hoping the mods won't close this thread.

Let's have some laughs, guys!;)

 

P.S. Sorry if this idea has already been tried.


I'll start:

This was taken from What new nation(s) will be coming to WOT?

Spoiler

 

And this one was from M56 Scorpion, the 'other scorpion's armor model'

Spoiler

 

And a fan favorite:trollface::

Spoiler

 

And two more, featuring the Overlord:

Spoiler

 



BravelyRanAway #2 Posted 13 September 2018 - 10:16 AM

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TheDrownedApe #3 Posted 13 September 2018 - 11:06 AM

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inb4 moved to off-topic

SaintMaddenus #4 Posted 13 September 2018 - 12:59 PM

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Love the Lada bounce...

Orkbert #5 Posted 13 September 2018 - 08:17 PM

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Then to sneak in a lame pun:

 



anonym_VJVVUp5heVv5 #6 Posted 13 September 2018 - 08:25 PM

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View PostOrkbert, on 13 September 2018 - 07:17 PM, said:

Then to sneak in a lame pun:

 

 

This is a valid tactic for defending against arty, hes clearly pro

 

 



XxKuzkina_MatxX #7 Posted 13 September 2018 - 08:31 PM

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ThiccDerpingLoli #8 Posted 13 September 2018 - 08:46 PM

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One funny thing that happened about 2 years ago in my country.

 

In November 4. 2016, one civil car (Skoda Fabia) managed to put out of service 5 Pandur APCs. Pandurs were in returning to base from training, and skoda driver who was in front of them suddenly stoped the car because of obsticle on the road. So all pandurs bumped to each other and 4 of them got so damaged that will be out to service to 2019, according the military :D

 

It was of course in breaking news, and entire country was making fun that our army should invest money into armored skoda fabia cars instead of expensive pandurs.



kbb07142 #9 Posted 13 September 2018 - 08:47 PM

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A funny joke?

 

Hmm

"Arty prevents camping" 

I always laugh at that one.



Nishi_Kinuyo #10 Posted 13 September 2018 - 08:52 PM

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catatpillar #11 Posted 13 September 2018 - 08:54 PM

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Nice thread! Will follow. :)

XxKuzkina_MatxX #12 Posted 13 September 2018 - 09:03 PM

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BravelyRanAway #13 Posted 13 September 2018 - 09:05 PM

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For XVM fans......

Spoiler

:trollface:



ThiccDerpingLoli #14 Posted 13 September 2018 - 09:28 PM

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This is just great :D , can't stop laughing.

anonym_VJVVUp5heVv5 #15 Posted 13 September 2018 - 09:37 PM

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I wonder if you could get an overlay to look purple on xvm?

then play like a tramp .Thus giving good players a bad name.

Also getting arty focused would be highly entertaining.

People would want to watch your streams but just post a 15 min arty afk replay.

wobblybob #16 Posted 13 September 2018 - 11:23 PM

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Okay - I shall reprise the 2014 games guides. Compiled here in the unabridged and very slightly updated version.


 

 

 

CHAPTER I - Match Analysis - A beginners primer for in game chat

 

Some players may be confused at first with the in game analysis from their team and the enemy team. So to help out here are the basic concepts:-

 

Firstly the golden rule:-

 

It is NEVER your fault that the team lost. 

 

 

If team is doing badly it is essential to start blame-storm. Useful opening gambits can be:-

 

1. Arty is to blame.

2, Last tank alive is to blame (very popular)

3. Team is to blame.

4. Platoon (or Clan) is to blame.

5. Use of premium ammo is to blame (it of course is only purchased with gold and so is more correctly called gold ammo)

 

Next should come the constructive criticism. Players who actually lose more than they win clearly have the greatest analytical skills. After all they are on the losing side more frequently and  so get a lot of practice. 

Such is their insight they will typically summarise a long discourse into simply 'noob'.  This sage wisdom should be carefully pondered. At the highest level of intellect, the map will simply be clicked repeatedly. This is to allow the surviving players to reflect on how to improve in future games without clouding their mind with preconceptions.

 

Players with high win rates simply do not have the experience to concisely dissect the match and thusly will engage in a long monologue. Their poor grasp of tactics will be shown by the frequent addition of other players parentage, sexual preference and similar non tank related facts to the analysis.

 

Now lets deal with tanks. Tanks are classed as light, medium, heavy and arty. It is essential to understand that all tanks in each class are identical and should always be played in exactly the same way. You will rightly be pulled up by your fellow players for deviating from this. For example the awful panther is a highly maneuverable, well camouflaged scout tank. Only the most foolish player would not use it in this way. Any player deviating from the basic role of a tank should be blamed for failure immediately. Map clicking is mandatory. 

 

For those using xvm, a whole new level is available.  There is often confusion over the colours:-

 

Purple - carried hard by clan

Blue - played mostly in T67.

Green - The average ability of all players

Yellow - same as green

Red - same as green but wont use 'gold' ammo as it is unskilled.

 

All players, of any colour, conduct in game analysis but only players of the same colour can actually understand each others tactics. Players frequently misunderstand this. However, it is generally accepted that all reds blame blue/purple and vica versa.

 

Having read this you should now have all the tools you need to successfully join in game chat. :great:

Chapter II - Of haxxors, bots and other things

 

Following on from the basic chat primer, it is now time to look at some of the specific terminology used in game. New players may wonder, "what are they talking about and what should I do?"  Well, worry no longer as all will be revealed.

 

1. Bots

 

The first category and the one that you will encounter most frequently is the ubiquitous BOT.

 

Nothing will enrage players more than a bot :angry:, but what exactly is it?

 

In simple terms, a bot is a very bad player. Although developers claim bots are very hard to detect, they aren't. They are the people that caused you to lose. You will find several in each team.

 

In the wild, these are the ones you will see:-

 

1.1 The 'W' bot:child:

 

Tank will move forward at start of game, moving at full speed towards enemy and die within 2 mins. Normally associated with 46% batchats, but can occur in any vehicle. They have special keyboard with one huge W key and nothing else.

 

1.2. Pew Pew Pew bot:playing:

 

Arguably the most irritating. Will start shooting immediately, the floor, you, themselves. Only thing they will never hit is enemy. Thankfully rare at higher tiers as they become bankrupt or blue banned long before they can cause any real chaos.

 

1.3. Gob bot:trollface:

 

Attempts to play game by typing meaningless tripe in chat box.

 

1.4. Bush bot. :bush:

 

Drives to bush furthest from enemy and stays there.

 

 

Note:- There are persistent myths that bots are not people at all that and there is an FBI programme that allows autonomous control of internet tanks. This is untrue and has the fullest plausible deniability.   

 

 

2. Haxxors

 

A haxxor, hacker or cheater (HHC) is the highest award that can be obtained in the game. It can only be bestowed on very good players by very bad ones. It's like a Pool's medal but much more satisfying.

 

The proud recipient of an HHC medal should, as a gesture of goodwill, reciprocate with a 'lol'.

 

3. Obi wan

 

An Obi Wan is an incredibly rare term (mainly due to the fact I just made it up) that is used to describe a selfless act that allows noobs to win, e.g. "Help us Obi Wan, you are our only hope!" It is used in situations such as:-

 

Noticing that the enemy are about to cap and actually driving back to do something about it.

Stopping enemy from killing your teams arty (not sure this has ever occurred in reality?)

Heroically holding flank against overwhelming odds

 

 

4. Clicker (USA, Sky-Pig)

 

Term of endearment to pay homage to the endless patience shown by artillery players.

 

5. A fk'er

 

To maintain decency, we will use the term clucker to describe a closely rhyming insult. It is used to describe any player not pulling their own weight in the battle, i.e. he is a clucker. Used either after you are dead or your team is about to lose.

 

6. 'gg'

 

Sent to enemy after they have lost in a spectacular fashion to rub it in.

 

7. Weekend Warrior

 

A weekend warrior is a player that only plays during a x3 or x5 event and is used by dedicated players as a means of expressing gratitude for allowing them to carry games.

 

8. Wallet Warrior

 

These are by far the most skilled players in world of tanks. They have no need to learn the game mechanics at low tiers, like the majority of players and play to an incredible standard at tier eight immediately.

 

 

Study and become familiar with these terms and your tanking will be that much happier.

 

Chapter III - Shooting Stuff

 

In this chapter we are going to look at shooting. But before we do, its essential to understand some of the concepts. Unlike many first person shooters, World of Tanks uses a very lifelike set of parameters to determine Gravity,Coriolis effect, Windage, Velocity, Armour angle, etc, etc.

 

Wargaming will not release the formula, but as I am a keen student of mathematics, I have reversed engineered it from empirical evidence thusly:-

 

 df4.gif

For those that don't enjoy the poetry of mathematics, this can be simplified to It's pretty random and you will be annoyed if you miss. (QED)

 

So that's got shooting mechanics covered. Now lets move onto ammunition. There are several types of ammunition:-

 

1. Armour Piecing

This is specialist ammunition used by homeless people and some lost amazonian tribes. It is also used by people who think they are more skilled than you but actually don't win very often.

 

2. High Explosive

HE is used to inform the target that you have a grievance with them in a sportsman like manner. It will not actually damage them in any way. A fairly balanced engagement can then begin. To continue to use HE after warning shot is considered very bad form by most players.

 

3. HESH

HESH stands for 'Hardly Ever Sodding Help-full'. It is only used by British ex-tank corps people for nostalgic reasons.

 

4. APCR

APCR is used to upset other players. It stands for 'Aggravated Player Cries Readily'. It is the most common ammo in the game.

 

5. HEAT

HEAT is the second most common ammo and is used to ensure failure at critical moments. Hence it's name 'Hit Eaten Always-by Tracks'

 

 

 

There are some additional ammo types that become available after playing many games. They don't show in hanger but somehow sneak into your tank never-the-less.

 

FAME - 'Fecking always misses everything'. This is artillery shell and is not to be confused by Polish clan of same name.

APCR - 'A perplexing chance ricochet'. This shell is used to de-cap  at 98 points

HGIF - 'Hits ground in front'. Russian shell.

WUT - 'Went under tank' German copy of HGIF developed post-war by feminists.

SLS - 'Sorry lag spike'. American shell used to shoot friendlies.

 

 

Well, you now are fully briefed on ammunition so go try it out. :justwait:

 

Chapter IV - Gentlemen Start Your Engines

 

In this section we will be looking at how to drive your tank. :child:

 

Tanks work on the principle of track laying. A continuous track is driven by wheels, reducing the ground pressure and allowing the vehicle to progress. In the game this is simplified to two options:-

 

a) Applying tongue to W key, popular with red players

b) Using Z key to select gear shift  and numerical keys to work the syncromesh gearbox, as favored by higher skill players.

c) You didn't know about b) ? I bet you play arty without shift key too.

 

Moving out of cap circle

 

The countdown has ended, tank is fueled up, handbrake is off. Time to move!

 

Or not. Let's face it. getting out of cap circle is often a challenge. Let's look at hazards you can encounter:-  :ohmy:

 

1. The School of Italian Warfare

 

Exponents of this art will drive backwards immediately.

 

2. The Parisian Parker

 

This tank will attempt to drive through gaps between other tanks, that are clearly too small and then blame them for getting in way.

 

3. The Ray Charles

 

A light tank which accelerates straight into the back of your heavy tank.

 

4. The Betty Swallocks

 

One tank tries to go right, one tank tries to go left. Neither gives way, together like a pair of Betty Swallocks, they proceed in a straight line until they hit an immovable object. Then type noob.

 

5. Cops, Camera, Action

 

These players forget what game they are playing and spin your tank around  with a PIT maneuver (precision immobilisation technique). In WoT this is better refered to as Pillock in Tank.

 

 

Driving in Game

 

Having left the cap circle (~10% of players don't make it, sadly) you are now free to explore the map. The first priority is to get to your chosen position. And remember it is YOUR position;

 

This is my spot. There are many like it, but this one is mine.
My spot is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life.
My spot, without me, is useless. Without my spot, I am useless.

 

Once you have reached your spot there is often little need to drive around further but sometimes a Godless, heathen, noob, wannabe will drive to your spot. This outrage cannot be tolerated. :angry: Drive repeatedly into them. They must move. It is your spot!

 

It is also worth pointing out that each tank comes fully equipped with a sat nav map. However, this stupidly gets in the way so should be disabled by pressing M key. It really isn't needed.

 

If you insist on touring about the map then it's best to follow other tanks because, they know where they are going, right? If you all do this you have a convoy and Rubber Duck this is cool. 10-4 good buddies. Dive your convoy down one side of the map, take in the scenery and ignore high rated players moaning, it disturbs your inner peace.

 

Fed up of losing? Try some scenic challenges:-

 

The Dukes of Westfield Bridge Jump

The Himmelsdrorf Ledge Land

The El Halluf Sea Jump

 

Dangerous Obstacles

 

Many maps contain obstacles that challenge even very good drivers. You should be especially beware of:-

 

a) Velcro Rocks. Touch these and your tank slows to a snails pace as the treads get caught in the sticky fibers.

b) Magnetic water. Readily attracts artillery pieces.

c) Glue bush. Entraps tanks for the whole match.

d) Stinger. De-tracks any light tanks that drives over it.

e) Magic Circle. Mysterious white circle floating 6" above ground that entices bad players into it, irrespective of how few enemy tanks are left.

f) Anti-tank paint. Used by enemy to repel unwanted tanks from their cap when they really do need to be in there.

g) Springy rocks. Flip tank on side if it drives on them

 

 

 

I think we have fully covered the basics of driving here.

 

It's 106 wins to Caernarvon Action X, we got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark... and we're wearing sunglasses.  Hit it.  :glasses:

 

 


Edited by wobblybob, 13 September 2018 - 11:27 PM.


Hedgehog1963 #17 Posted 13 September 2018 - 11:31 PM

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View Postdiscontinued, on 13 September 2018 - 08:37 PM, said:

I wonder if you could get an overlay to look purple on xvm?

then play like a tramp .Thus giving good players a bad name.

Also getting arty focused would be highly entertaining.

People would want to watch your streams but just post a 15 min arty afk replay.

 

Posted Image

catatpillar #18 Posted 14 September 2018 - 12:00 AM

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View Postwobblybob, on 13 September 2018 - 10:23 PM, said:

Yellow - same as green

Red - same as green but wont use 'gold' ammo as it is unskilled.

 

 

 

7. Weekend Warrior

 

A weekend warrior is a player that only plays during a x3 or x5 event and is used by dedicated players as a means of expressing gratitude for allowing them to carry games.

 

8. Wallet Warrior

 

These are by far the most skilled players in world of tanks. They have no need to learn the game mechanics at low tiers, like the majority of players and play to an incredible standard at tier eight immediately.

 

I laughed so hard on what Yellow and Red players think they are. :teethhappy:

I so love to be a weekend warrior! :B 


And at first i was failing miserably at the game just because i was learning alone, playing at low tiers, without spending money for premium tanks and without a simple clue what am i doing and which tree to start. When i bought my first tier 5 premium tanks i made so much games in them just to keep my credit "economy" going, but the people called me i'm stat paddering. Later i bought tier 8 premiums, now people mock me about playing so much games at tier 5. Well i enjoy not losing 40k+ credits per game, like in a bad tier X game. All that criticism reminds me of that pic:



catatpillar #19 Posted 14 September 2018 - 02:54 PM

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Poor Type 58 :( no moneyz for gold ammo

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Orkbert #20 Posted 14 September 2018 - 03:34 PM

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 Up to version 0.8.11 you could always watch replays even from previous versions, which sometimes got hilarious when there had been a map chance.

 

 

 







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